Painful Secrets
by izzi08
Summary: My name is Mara Jaffray. I should be dead. Why am I not dead? I live in a cruel world. I hate this world. Cutting has become my addiction. I want to die. But there is one person worth living for: Jerome Clarke. Read and Review. Chpt. 4 which is actually5!
1. Chapter 1

**PAINFUL SECRETS**

Hey, it's izzi08 I'm writing this new story, but of course I'll update my others. Please read and review. And I don't HOA or the He Didn't Notice Idea (it belongs to xfreeforeverx!) AND READ HER STORIES! Especially "He didn't Notice"! It's amazing!

Okay so my new fanfic is:

JARA of course

Mara has a deadly secret that can ruin her life forever. She has problems. Serious problems, it's not just depression, it's much more. After all that happened in her life she decided that it was her fault. She feels like it's her fault for all the problems in her life and she starts to cut herself. At first it's something minor but it turns into an addiction and that is not a good thing. At one point she goes too far and tries to kill herself, but luckily Jerome's there, and there's a whole friendship and romance relationship between them. And he tries to help her fight her depression.

It's a sad story.

PS: I just read an Eclare fanfic called "Please Don't Leave Me". I thought what rated T meant until I read this story.

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><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_He didn't notice that I stopped smiling_

_He didn't notice my grief for my sister who recently passed away_

_He didn't notice that I cried myself to sleep_

_He didn't notice that I stopped talking to people_

_He didn't notice my grades dropping_

_He didn't notice that I acted up on class_

_He didn't notice the scars on my arm_

_He didn't notice that I started wearing long sleeves and bracelets_

_He didn't notice that I started ignoring him_

_He didn't notice that I haven't laughed in months_

_He didn't notice that I started cursing_

_He didn't notice that I barely ate_

_He didn't notice that I started wearing black_

_He didn't notice that I was in an emotional turmoil_

_He didn't notice that I painted my nails black_

_He didn't notice that I didn't do my homework_

_He didn't notice that I'm depressed_

_He didn't notice I have problems_

_He didn't notice I cut myself_

_He didn't notice anything until it happened. Mick didn't notice anything until it was too late._

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><p><em>Mara POV <em>

_I was in my room when it first started. It all started when I came to school. I was scared; I was scared to come to this strange boarding school. I wanted to stay with my parents. But they were too busy, they sent my only sister first, and then when I was 11 they sent me. I was instructed to go to the Anubis house, my parents said their goodbyes, and they each kissed my head. I watched them enter the limo, and left me forever in this scary school. I walked in my room, tears streaming down my face. I took out my pencil case to look for a pen, but then I noticed the sharp blade of the compass, it shone brightly as a beam of light hit it. The compass somehow attracted me, not in a good way. I grabbed it and held it to my skin; I took a deep breath, and punctured the point of the compass into my skin, a trickle of blood oozed down my wrist. I started to cry harder, my vision became blurry but I kept on cutting my arm. More blood. I ran to the bathroom and grabbed a bunch of tissues, I held them against my wrist, and I heard a voice. Someone was coming, I ran into the bathroom with a long sleeved shirt. I examined my wrist and noticed a bloody scar. I couldn't let anybody see me like this. I took off my tank top and put on my floral patterned long-sleeved t-shirt. That was the first time I cut myself. After a week I stopped. And I never cut myself again, not until this term. However this time it was different. _

_It was the beginning of second term. I walked in the Anubis house; I was greeted by my boyfriend Mick, my ex-best friend Amber, my now best friend Patricia, Nina, Fabian, Alfie, Joy, and Jerome. Mick walked up to me and lifted me in the air. He kissed me on my nose and smiled. I watched Jerome look at us with envious eyes. I smiled at Mick weakly. Amber, Nina, Patricia and Joy ran to me and gave me big hugs. Fabian and Alfie walked up to me and smiled. And last was Jerome, he smiled at me and he embraced me. His warm, comfortable arms wrapped around me as I look up into his eyes which were pools of docile crystal blue water. My eyes shifted to his perfect pink lips, they quickly turned from a frown to a devious smile. He slithered his hands from my back to my stomach, my face turned scarlet red. Then he drummed his hands on my flat abs, which brought giggles to me. I started to laugh. I yelled for him to stop tickling me, but he didn't, Mick wasn't happy, he was far from happy. He pushed Jerome away from me and slammed him into the wall; Jerome landed in a thud and became unconscious. Mick turned towards me, his face was beat red with anger. He lashed at me and spat out "You, you cheated on me in front of me. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST DISGRACE EVER! YOU ARE A FREAKING BITCH!" he ran out hitting everything that was in his way, a vase splattered onto the floor and broke into a millions of tiny pieces, just like my heart. Everybody was looking at me, their soulless eyes boring a whole through my body. I couldn't bear it. Tears poured down my face as I ran to the room which was once the attic. It was my new room, I was alone, I had nobody, and Patricia abandoned me for Joy. Mick didn't want to talk to me, Amber couldn't even stand me, Nina and Fabian were in their own little love world. And Alfie was too scared to even pass by me. And Jerome, he was unconscious. I sighed; I grabbed my compass and pressed it against my skin leaving a mark, I grabbed a sweater and put it on, I grabbed a bunch of bracelets and put them on my left arm where I cut myself. I sat on my bed and looked up at the ceiling. It's going to be a long term._

_A few days later, I walked down the stairs dressed in a black turtle neck and skirt, my sister died yesterday of brain cancer. I loved her; she was the only person I had. She always sent me letters telling me about her awesome adventures. She always called me on the phone, she always gave me advice. Why did she have to leave me? I am greeted by Patricia, I give her a nod and sit down and paint my nails black. Alfie falls out of his chair and spaghetti flies everywhere. Everyone started laughing. But I didn't, I didn't even smile._

_I walked into the school and got to my locker. I found Mick there. He said sorry, and I forgave him. But he scarred me for life. I walked into Mr. Winkler's class, he collected the homework, and I didn't do it. He asked me why. I replied "I don't give a damn." He looked at me surprised._

_I walked into Ms. Andrew's class, we had a pop quiz, and I didn't understand anything. I probably failed. Amber walked up to me and smiled, I stared at her, she asked me a question I grunted and turned around. During lunch I sat next to Patricia, the only thing on my tray was an apple, and I didn't eat it. I ran to my room, and continued my ritual; I found the compass and cut myself. Tears and anger flew through me. I'm an emotional wreck. It was night time, I didn't bother to go to dinner, and I tucked myself in bed and wept silently. _

_It's 8 AM, I was one hour late for school, and I really didn't care. I walked down the stairs and saw Trudy I nodded at her, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a cup of water and a slice of bread. I took a bite from the bread, and I spit it out. I felt full, but I haven't eaten in days. I'm not anorexic, I don't think I'm fat, actually I feel too skinny. It's not that I don't want to eat, I just can't. Everytime I eat I feel to full and nauseous. I walked toward Trudy. "I don't feel well, can I stay here?" I asked Trudy, she looked at me surprised; it was the first thing I said in days. "Sure, dearie!" Trudy said, I looked at her and handed her a piece of paper "Thanks and can you give this to Ms. Andrews." I said Trudy nodded. The letter that was addressed to Ms. Andrews was my resignation from being school representative. I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and die. I still do. _

_Mick came for lunch. We sat at the dining table not saying a word. He kissed me, but there was no spark. I smiled a fake smile. He left me. And I felt better, I didn't need him. I wanted to be away from him. I still do. I walked to my room and grabbed the compass I pressed the blade against my skin and cut myself. It hurt this time, I dug the blade deep, and it cut through my epidermis and my dermis. It didn't stop bleeding. I panicked. I opened the sink and my flesh burned at the touch of hot scalding water. I started to cry softly, I didn't want anybody to hear me. I didn't want anybody to know. It was a secret that was tearing me apart. I really wanted to kill myself, and sometimes I still do._

_The next few days were fine; I stopped cutting myself for a day. But then it started again. It started when I got my first F. I was in Ms. Andrews's class, she was handing out the test papers that we did on the first day of school. I was shocked, and completely utterly humiliated. Mara Jaffray never failed. I sank into my seat, and prayed that I was invisible. Oh god, my parents will be so disappointed. A zero lowers your grade point average for the subject from 100 to 75! I ran out of the class, cursing under my breath, as hot tears streamed down my face. _

_I ran to my room and buried my head in my pillow. I looked around the room. Then I saw a knife, it was a small pocket knife, I ran to the bathroom and entered the shower, I turned on the hot water, I stood in the shower and rolled up my sleeve, I looked at the glistening knife, and I stabbed in into my arm, the pain was unbearable, I cried quietly, not daring to even scream. But the pain increased, and then my arm went numb, I fell into the shower, unconscious. It didn't take long for somebody to find me. That somebody was none other than Jerome Xavier Clarke._

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><p>Jerome POV<p>

It was a horrible sight. I was walking to Mara's room to ask her what was wrong. I wanted to know what happened in Ms. Andrews' Class. She started crying as she ran out of the room screaming. I stood up rigidly and ran after her. Mick on the other hand, buried his head in his hands as if Mara was a disgrace, and he was totally humiliated by her. Isn't he the best boyfriend ever! I don't get what Mara sees in him. I mean, she's better off with a jerk like me! So back to now. I was following her into the house. I saw her enter her room and go into the bathroom. Then I heard sobbing, somebody was crying, that somebody was Mara. I heard the shower turning on. Then, silence. After that I heard a yelp, and more crying. All of a sudden I hear a thud, as if someone or something fell hard on the ground. I waited by the door, and knocked lightly. Nobody answered. I open the door slightly. Fog greats me. The whole bathroom is boiling and smoke (evaporating water) fills the place. I walk towards the shower. I see a leg sticking out. I open the window to get a clear view. Once the fog clears out, I get to see Mara. She is sprawled on the floor. Her body is motionless on the floor. I spot a knife in her hand, and the other arm all bloody. No! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! Her face is pale, and her eyes are closed, her beautiful pink lips form a frigid frown. And fresh tears roll down her face. Panic enters my body. I grab a towel and wrap her injured arm with it. In minutes it is drenched in blood. But I could see her arm; I see scars on her wrist and upper arm. She's been cutting herself. It's obvious. How come she does this to herself, she doesn't deserve it. I pick her up bridal style. And lay her on her bed. I place the knife next to her. I decided to tell Trudy but a small red journal caught my attention. It's lying under her bed. It was a small leather journal with the name Mara engraved. I found the key under her pillow, and put it in the lock. I open the journal and I read the first page.

_Today is the first day of second term. I'm jumping for joy. Not really. Today I began to cut myself again. It all started when I walked in. I was greeted by my home-mates and my boyfriend Mick. Well he is still my boyfriend. It's too complicated. I just can't handle being with him. He is so controlling. I didn't have the heart to break up with him. Then the trouble started when I was greeted by Jerome. I saw him, his sparkly blue eyes danced with happiness. I embraced him, it felt so good. His warmth entered my cold body. It felt right. He found my tickle spot, my stomach. We both fell on the floor laughing hysterically. But of course Mick didn't approve. He is so uptight. And he thinks I'm rigid. He freaking call me a bitch. And that scarred me. That is the reason I cut myself. He is the reason._

_-Mara_

WHOAH! Am I getting the slightest idea that she likes me? Wait most importantly why would a beautiful, smart, sweet sensitive girl like her try to hurt herself.

_Second day of term. I so failed that test. Ugh now what am I going to do? I am not getting it back until Thursday; maybe I should ask Ms. Andrews to let me retake the test. Not only are my grades dropping but my whole life is in an emotional train wreck. Who are my friends? Who do I love? I'm torn between the jock and the joker jerk. Which should I choose?_

_-Mara_

This is news to me; Mara never failed a test, she never did. I mean the lowest grade she ever got was an A- and that was because she had to do her project with Alfie!

_UGH! Boring day at school, there is nothing to talk about. SO TIRED!_

_-Mara_

I turn the page…

_I didn't cut myself today, or yesterday._

_-Mara_

Next PAGE…

_I'm losing faith in God. Why did he do this to me? I mean the only one who deserves to die is ME! WHY? WHY DID SHE HAVE TO GO! AND MY FREAKING PARENTS DON'T GIVE A DAMN! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF! I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS OVER! She is the only one who cares about me. I have no reason to live. Why am I still alive?_

_My name is Mara Jaffray and_

_I deserve to die. _

_Why am I not dead?_

_SERIOUSLY WHY AM I NOT DEAD! SOMEBODY FREAKING EXPLAIN THIS TO ME! I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE IN THIS CRUEL WORLD! I WISH I COULD KILL MYSELF; I wish I was crouched on the floor with a knife in my back and blood streaming down my body. Then I could die, "then I could die." That thought pleases me. Or even better, if I had a gun to my head I would press the trigger and shoot myself; it would be much less painful. But in my case, I'm not dying. Instead I'm crying myself to sleep, not eating, and cutting myself. I am not anorexic, I just can't eat. If I eat something I feel full, I feel like I have food all in my stomach and up my esophagus. I know I'm not fat. In fact, I feel as if I'm too skinny. I want to eat, I try to force myself to eat, but I end up not eating anything. After complaining about this I realize that not eating gives me a better chance to die. Once I realize that I stop eating. I feel happy, that soon my life will be over. Either I will starve to death or kill myself. Whichever works faster, I will choose. _

_-Mara_

WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS SHE THINKING! People care about her, maybe not her parents, maybe not Mick. BUT I CERTAINLY CARE ABOUT HER. I FREAKIN LOVE HER! I never told her this, but I've loved her since the first day I laid my eyes on her. I remember that day like it was yesterday.

_***Flashback***_

_**I was happy that I was finally getting some company. Six years in a school all by myself really sucks. I came to the Anubis house when I was five, now I'm eleven and really glad to have company. As I stood at the door anxious to see who was coming I got hit by a soccer ball. (A/N it's actually football but I like the word soccer better)**_

"_**Oh, sorry Mate didn't see ya there." A muscular short boy with light blonde hair said, he was wearing a track suit and a sports headband. My first impression of him was the stupid jock, JOCKS ARE SO OVERATED! So I felt as if he was a stupid meathead, and he still is. **_

"_**Get lost, Meathead!" I yelled as I threw his ball into the house he ran into the house after the ball. I roll my eyes; I hope he's not my roommate. The next person I see is a blonde girl, she is like a Malibu Barbie, but not in a good way, she runs up to me and greets me and she pushes past me to explore the house. The next ones to arrive are two girls, a redhead and her friend; I glare at them as the redhead sneers at me. I knew we weren't going to get along. The next guy was a small brunette; he had glasses and was holding a book called science is my friend. Nerd. Then I saw a boy, he was about my age, he had dark skin and black curly hair. He walked up to greet me, his parents following him. He held out his hand and I took it, a small electric shock went through my body. The boy began to laugh; his parents said their goodbyes and walked away.**_

"_**Not bad, not bad at all. Hi, my name is Jerome Clarke." I said happily, finally somebody I can relate to.**_

"_**My name is Alfred Lewis. But you can call me Alfie." The boy said as his smile turned into huge grin, I knew we were going to be good friends. We were talking in the entrance of the Anubis house when my eyes fell on a beautiful girl. She was shorter than me; she was wearing a red dress that looked great with her luscious black curls and her tanned skin. She said goodbye to her parents and tears fell down her perfect heart-shaped face. She looked beautiful. I guess its love at first sight, which is strange because I wanted to fall for the cheerleader type not the shy book smart girl. Alfie was waving his hand in my face, because I was in a love trance, and I was drooling. The pretty girl walked up to me and smiled. **_

"_**Hi, my name is Mara Jaffray." She said, as she extended her hand to me shyly.**_

"_**H-Hi, I-I'm J-Jerome C-Clarke." I stuttered as my cheeks turned pink. She giggled shyly as she smiled. I shook her small warm hand. And I knew I was in love with her.**_

_***Flashback Ends***_

I've loved Mara since I first laid my eyes on her, and I just can't bear to see her like this. I turn the next page of her journal

_Dear Classmates,_

_I hope you are reading this. Knowing Jerome and Alfie, one of you have found this by now. I just want to say goodbye. Today is the day I will kill myself. _

_I knew it had to come to this. I hated this world. It was a cruel place. I want to be with my sister, the only person who cared about me. I hated this place. I hated how everyone was happy except me. And I hate how nobody gave a fucking damn about me and my problems. None of you cared. I know. I was merely the smart girl, the girl who listens, the one who is shy. I didn't want to stand out. I just don't fit in. _

_I was never happy with my life. My parents didn't care about me. And my sister died. I had a boyfriend who didn't love me. But the truth is I never loved him. I loved somebody else, someone I felt bad about, and someone who had a horrible life. I loved him. But I never admitted it. My friends left me; I really didn't give a bloody hell. I wanted to be alone. I hated people. I wanted to die. So that is what I did._

_Now I will give you my final words._

_Dear Mick,_

_I hate you, I never loved you. You didn't notice anything._

_-Mara_

_Dear Patricia and Joy,_

_It's hard to say bye to nice people like you guys. You were amazing friends. I want you to know that I never hated you. You were the best friends a girl could ever have. I will miss you._

_-Mara_

_Dear Alfie,_

_You were the funniest person I have ever met. You always made me laugh, even when I was hurting. Stay happy._

_-Mara_

_Dear Fabian,_

_My fellow honor student. You were an amazing friend. You always stuck up for me and all the people in the Anubis house. You were one of the nicest people ever. Keep up with your amazing grades. And I am happy that you are happy with Nina. You two are soul mates._

_-Mara_

_Dear Nina,_

_I barely knew you, but when I first met you I knew there was something special about you. You were friendly, smart, curious, and loyal. I hope you can stay at the Anubis house. And I hope you and Fabian are happy._

_-Mara_

_Dear Amber,_

_It's hard to say goodbye to an old friend like you. You might have been a Malibu Barbie, or a material girl, but you were the best friend a girl could ever wish for. You always listened to me, and helped me out. I will miss you._

_-Mara_

_Dear Jerome,_

_Is it supposed to be this hard to say goodbye to you? You were the only reason I still lived, you gave me hope and happiness, and you made me feel perfect. I always disliked the fact that you kept me alive. But you were the reason for the happiness in my life. Thank you. Thank you for making life worth living. But now I have to say goodbye, Jerome, I hope you find that special someone in your life, I hope you find happiness, because you deserve this, you deserve everything. You are not rotten, you are far from rotten. Jerome you are amazing. Goodbye, Jerome and remember me forever. I love you._

_Love,_

_Mara_

And that was it. She tried to kill herself. But I found her; I will never let her kill herself, because I love her. And I promise never to let her hurt her anymore. If she does I will die. I love you Mara Jaffray. And I promise you'll be okay. I carry her bridal style and rip out the last page of her journal. I run to Trudy who is in the dining room.

"TRUDY! Trudy, Mara tried to kill herself; we need to take her to the emergency room quickly!" I yell

"Oh, my. You're right, let's go." Trudy answers. She quickly grabs her keys and rushes into her car. I follow her rapidly into the car, Mara's body was surprisingly very light, and I give her a kiss on her forehead as I place her in the backseat of Trudy's car.

"Trudy, are we there yet!" I yell nervously, Mara needs to be seen quickly, the cut on her arm is very deep and if we don't get to the hospital soon it can get infected and if it gets infected she can die. I can't let her die. I can't!

"Almost there. Once we get there I will call the classmates and tell them to come immediately." Trudy states. I nod my head, my there is a knot in my throat and I feel as if any minute I will cry. I want to cry. The girl I love is in the backseat and close to dying. And there is nothing I can do about it. I quickly wipe a tear which had escaped from my eye. Trudy looks at me with a face of sorrow.

"You love her, don't you?" Trudy asks me quietly.

"More than anything in the world." I reply, and streams of tears fall down my face. Mara was the only one I had. Trudy embraced me and helped me carry Mara into the emergency room.

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><p>Amber POV<p>

It was a normal day in school. And little did I know something horrible was going to happen to Mara.

We were in Mr. Winkler's class listening to a boring poem called "Shakespeare's Sonnet: 18" I really didn't get it. Too wordy. On the other hand, Nina, Fabian, Patricia and Joy were mesmerized over the stupid little poem. And Alfie was wondering if Shakespeare was an alien. He thinks everyone is an alien. Well, back to the point. Anyways Mr. Sweet came running in the classroom like a herd of cattle, except, he was only one person. I'm confused. ANYWAYS, He ran in with a worried expression on his face, he was pale.

"I need to see the Anubis house members it is an emergency." Mr. Sweet said. We all got up in single file. I was scared that they found out where the cup is and they were going to get us. We nervously walked in to his office and braced ourselves for the news.

"Your friend, Mara Jaffray, she tried to commit suicide." Mr. Sweet said sadly

My mouth hung open, I couldn't believe my ears, the book smart sweet girl tried to commit suicide. Alfie's lips parted forming a perfect "O" shape, and Patricia and Joy started crying, Nina sobbed into Fabian's chest as he held her tightly softly sobbing. And Mick, he was as white as a sheet.

"Is she alright?" Patricia asked her face stained with mascara.

"We don't know. She is currently in the hospital with Jerome and Trudy." Mr. Sweet said.

"SHE'S WITH CLARKE!" Mick yelled, furious that she was with Jerome. He didn't even care about her. I ran up to him and slapped him across the face.

"What was that for!" he yelled.

"You don't even care that your girlfriend almost died!" I yelled as I followed Mr. Sweet.

"Can you take us to the hospital?" I ask, giving Mr. Sweet my best puppy dog eyes, he nods and we follow him into his car.

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><p>Jerome POV<p>

Mara Jaffray, the love of my life, is dead or close to dying. Why? Why did she do this to herself? I grab her journal and read through it again. Out falls a slip of paper, it is folded into a tiny wad. I open it and there is a poem.

_He didn't notice that I stopped smiling_

_He didn't notice my grief for my sister who recently passed away_

_He didn't notice that I cried myself to sleep_

_He didn't notice that I stopped talking to people_

_He didn't notice my grades dropping_

_He didn't notice that I acted up on class_

_He didn't notice the scars on my arm_

_He didn't notice that I started wearing long sleeves and bracelets_

_He didn't notice that I started ignoring him_

_He didn't notice that I haven't laughed in months_

_He didn't notice that I started cursing_

_He didn't notice that I barely ate_

_He didn't notice that I started wearing black_

_He didn't notice that I was in an emotional turmoil_

_He didn't notice that I painted my nails black_

_He didn't notice that I didn't do my homework_

_He didn't notice that I'm depressed_

_He didn't notice I have problems_

_He didn't notice I cut myself _

_He didn't notice anything until it happened. Mick didn't notice anything until it was too late._

And she was right. He didn't notice, that arrogant meathead only cared about himself. WHAT TYPE OF A BOYFRIEND ISNT AWARE THAT HIS GIRLFRIEND IS ABOUT TO DIE!

I see my house mates walk through the door of the waiting area. Anger builds up in my chest. They didn't know anything until it was too late. They didn't want to know anything until it was too late. HE WAS SO STUPID! HE DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING! HE DIDN'T CARE, HE DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN! AND NOW IT'S TOO LATE! IT'S HIS ENTIRE FAULT! IT'S HIS FAULT THAT SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! FUCK YOU MICK! GO DIE IN A FUCKING HOLE! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO HER! YOU MADE HER LIFE, A TURMOIL OF HORRIBLE EMOTINS! He walks into the room and glares at me. "You have no right to be with her!" Mick barks. That is it. I just can't take it. I can't put up with him anymore, I tried to deal with him for Mara's sake, but now she's gone, I run up to him and pin him against the wall. "YOU! YOU ARE THE REASON SHE TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! IT'S YOUR FAULT!" I yell as I punch his upper jaw. Stupid mistake. He slams me into the wall, and gives me a blow to the head.

"Never, NEVER SAY THAT TO ME!" Mick roars as he storms out of the room.

The rest of my classmates sat in silence. All of a sudden doctor rushes in.

"Are you Jerome Clarke?" he asks

"Yea, the one and only." I say trying my best to smile.

"We need you now" the doctor states

"Why?" I ask, Am I in trouble?

"She screamed out your name." the doctor says

"She's alive!" tears stream down my face. She's alive.

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><p><strong>The End was so cheesy, I hope you like, comment, rev<strong>**iew, and favorite, add to alert! This is chapter one. Okay. Hopefully I will update this week; I'm busy with International day in school. It's so unfair we can't dress up in our ethnic background's culture; we have to do a project on an assigned country! And the whole class has the same country! Did I mention I'm in a catholic school? It's okay...sometimes, not usually...not really...**

Anyways! I know there will be JARA and Fabina, but should there be Amfie or Mamber? Pason or Palfie? Moy? Please review and leave me your thoughts on the story and what couples!


	2. Jerome and his stupidness

**PAINFUL SECRETS 2**

**SOOO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING! I feel really bad. So this chapter will be super long, and thank anubisfreak for this update! **

**RATED T: this chapter mentions bad language, sexual actions, rape, and suicidal thoughts.**

**I don't own House of Anubis, but I know season 2 is coming out in 2012, with a new Goth guy named Eddie who will be I love with Nina but will possibly end up with Patricia. This chapter is dedicated to my first 5 reviewers: ilovehoa123, LittleGlitterMonster, Anubisfan9080 and PinkBowsAndLove and Noellestarr**

**Anubisfan9080: yes, yes I did. I just finished reading it! I just can't stop wondering about that line…I like that line. It's dramatic.**

**Blewwolf: I know you love JETRICIA and now you're confused if you like JETRICIA or JARA. Here's a tip you can be NEUTRAL! LOLZ. I'm glad you liked the story! **

**.Princess- I'm glad you liked it thanks so much for reviewing. And I can't kill Mick, not in this story but I'll see what I can do to ruin his life. I really dislike that guy. (And dislike and hate can't express my hatred towards him) I just don't like him!**

**Aleprbla- I'm so glad you liked it. The Jara musketeers!**

**Xxpipxx- thanks for reviewing, I glad you loved the story!**

**Moonbeam87: Thanks!**

**Charn14: CHEESINESS RULES! And yea I haven't updated in forever, neither have you!**

**Jenc0449: thanks for your opinions. AND JARA FOREVER!**

**2theleftx2: No problem, I'm glad you found this story interesting.**

**XxEmmieMellarkxx****:**** I love how you always pm me 24/7! I'm glad you liked the story! You keep on changing your penname! Ha-ha! **

**Okay before I start I just want to say that the couples are already chosen. Joy and Mick, Jerome and Mara, Fabian and Nina, Alfie and Amber, and Patricia and Jason. (Sorry Xxpipxx many people wanted Pason, and Amfie won, so no Palfie which is sad because I like Palfie as much as you do.)**

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_I realized I wasn't dead. Shit. I wasn't dead. I'm still alive. It's his fault. It's Jerome's fault. I hate him. Why? He knows that I don't want to live! Wait, he doesn't! UGH! THE AGGRIVATION! He ruined my plans. Plans that finally led me to my death. And now, I'm stuck in the dark abyss that is earth. _

_My eyes slowly open. I'm in a hospital; the beeps of my heart monitor begin to annoy me. I bolt up sitting uncomfortably straight. I see Jerome, he smiles as he runs towards me. _

"_MARA I WAS SO WORRIED! I AM SO GLAD THAT YOU'RE Ok-" I cut him in midsentence._

"_WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!" I yell_

"_Do what?" he asks confusedly_

"_YOU, YOU LET ME LIVE!" I shriek_

"_Did you want to die!" he shoots back at me_

"_YES! AND KNOW I HAVE TO LIVE IN THIS STUPID PLACE CALLED EARTH!" I scream_

"_But…" he says not knowing what to say_

"_GET OUT! GET OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! You don't know how much I freaking hate you! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! IT'S YOUR FAULT I CUT MYSELF! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" I yell as push him away from me._

"_Mara-" he begins to say_

"_GET OUT! I never want to see you again!" I screech. He walks out quietly, kicking the wall. And I swear I heard him say under his breath "I thought you loved me."_

_And the truth is I did._

_I loved him. I hated him. I hated how much he loves me. I hate how much I love him. I hate how much we have feelings for each other. I hate his beautiful crystal blue eyes. I hate his cute smile. I hate his glimmering messy blonde hair. I hate how perfect he is. I hate that he always makes me feel perfect. I hate how being with him turns my stomach into knots. I hate that I love him. I hate how he charms me with his looks and attitudes. I really hate Jerome Clarke._

"_Mara." Jerome says as he walks back in._

"_I told you to go away!" I say rolling my eyes._

"_LISTEN! MARA, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR NONSENSE, THAT IT WAS MY FAULT! I WANT YOU TO LIVE! I WILL NEVER EVER LET SOMEONE HURT YOU! YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I LOVE YOU!"_

"_JEROME! I freaking HATE YOU! I hate how you love me. I hate how you make me feel! I hate everything about you. I hate that you make me feel perfect! I hate that you are the reason for my happiness. I hate that you don't want me to go! I hate that you won't let me die! I hate that I have feelings for you. I hate you, I hate you so much!" I cry. He runs up to me and wraps his arms around me tightly._

"_Mara you are so freaking stupid." He cries as I bury my head into his chest. Sobs erupt through me as I cry my sad little heart out. _

"_I know!" I reply. As I close my eyes hoping that this day would end._

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

She was alive. I was so glad she was alive. All I could think was that she was alive.

It was a miracle. I can't believe she was alive. I can't believe she's still breathing.

I love her more than ever. When I rushed into the hospital room she yelled at me, she blamed me for everything. She told me to leave her alone. She told me it was my fault. I was heartbroken. I knew that deep inside she loved me, I knew that she knew she loved me. And she knew that. I wanted her to love me like I love her. I couldn't handle her attitude towards me. The hatred towards me.

I yelled at her, I just came out screaming to her that I loved her. What type of a fucking DICK would do that? I would. It turned out pretty strangely. She was angry, no, not angry, she was furious.

Her words were painful, she hated me.

But I couldn't help myself. Then, right there in the middle of her rant, I embraced her, I held her tight as if she were part of me.

Right then, and there I finally exposed a little fragment of my love towards her. But she just cried. She barely even understood that I was trying to show my love for her.

She was stupid.

She was stupid for everything. She was stupid for cutting herself, not telling anyone, hurting herself, trying to kill herself, and not understanding her love for me, and my love for her.

She was stupid.

She is stupid.

She is blind, and deaf.

She doesn't notice how much I freaking love her. She doesn't see that I really care about her. She doesn't hear me when I tell her I love her.

But she will be mine.

She might not understand me now. She might not understand how much I love her. But I know she will. I know that one day she will love me the way I love her.

But right now, all I can do is sit and wait for that day to come.

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_The doctor said I could go home. He gave me some anti-depressant pills. And he told me to take them twice a day. Yea right! Like I would take pills to solve my problems._

_Anyways, once I walked out of the doctor's office with Jerome, the whole Anubis group was waiting for me in the waiting room. Panicking I turned around when I saw them._

_I didn't want them to know. But they already knew. It wasn't a secret anymore. My deepest secret was exposed._

_It was Jerome's fault._

_He fucking ruined my life! I TRULY HATE HIM!_

"_Mara, we were so worried!"_

"_Why did you do this to yourself?"_

"_Mara, I'm glad your back!"_

"_Mara, are you okay?"_

"_Mara, we feel your pain!"_

"_Mara, are you feeling better?""_

_Those words swarmed me like a pack of angry bees._

_Those supposedly "nice" phrases meant nothing to me. They just angered me. Those asses acting like they are actually worried about me! How dare they even try? If they actually cared they would have known that I had problem, they would of "cared" back then._

_The worst part is that they say they care about me. I just wish they could stop saying that. They will never let me think that they actually care!_

_I hate when they supposedly "feel bad" for me. I know they don't "feel bad" for me. It's just an act to make me feel better. Like that's ever going to happen._

_I weakly smile at them. Amber embraces me, and then Nina, Joy and Patricia join in the hug._

_They drag me._

_They drag me to the stupid Anubis house. They sit me down on the couch and talk to me about what had happened. I just smile and let Amber do all the talking. I barely listen to them. _

_It is eight thirty and I head to bed. I look at my room. It is very solitary. I look around. Everything is like I left it. _

_My room was yellow. Yellow was my favorite color. Emphasis on was. _

_But right now I really hate it. Yellow is so lively. The color itself makes me want to throw up. Yellow, it's the color of happiness. Yellow it's the color of spring. _

_Sighing I walk to my closet grab a tank top and shorts. I strip off my clothes and begin to unclasp my bra when the door opens and in pops the head of Jerome Clarke._

"_Whoa…sorry…whoa…I'm just going to-" he says when I interrupt him_

"_GET OUT YOU CREEP!" I yell as I cover myself up with a white bed sheet. I feel my face turn scarlet red. No one has ever seen me like this before. I feel like a freaking stripper whore. _

"_Well, uh, oh, right, err… I better go…" Jerome stutters as he shuts the door._

_Shit. Oh god how could let him see me like this. I feel freaking violated. It's my fault. I'm such a whore. I hate myself for being a bitch. I am a BITCH. I don't deserve to live. Someone fucking kill me already!_

_I put on the tank top and shorts, and walk around the room. I sit on the edge of my bed, crying, for like the fiftieth time today. I feel shitty._

_I hate this, depression stinks. And what's worse is that it is all bottled up inside of you. And it's dying to get out. But you don't want anyone to know. So you have to hold it in even when you are about to crack. You don't dare to tell anyone. You're insecure. You are scared about what other people think. You don't want people to see who you really are. You think they like you when you're not yourself. You don't know if you're good enough. Thinking to yourself that you aren't worth it, that being yourself is stupid. Thinking that people don't like the real you. Knowing that the real you isn't who you want to be. You feel fake. You feel like you're living a lie. You're real life is a big painful secret. The lies are killing you. You're dying on the inside. You want to kill yourself because nobody understands you. You're life is a living hell. You want to leave this cruel place. _

_That, that is exactly how I feel._

_I don't take the pills. I don't want them. They won't fix who I am. I am a monster. A deadly bitch. I deserve to die. I grab the pocket knife. And hold it in my hand. The blade shines in the light. I press it to my skin. And let it pierce through leaving a mark. Blood._

"_NO!" a male voice yells, as I watch a lanky body enter my room. It's Jerome. He rushes towards me. _

"_I won't let you!" He says as he grabs the knife away from me._

"_NO, GIVE THAT BACK!" I yell trying to pry the knife away from him._

"_I WON'T LET YOU HURT YOURSELF!" he yells as he forcefully wraps his arms around me trying to corner me to get the knife away from me._

"_Why do you care? Nobody cares about me." I yell, tears streaming down my face._

"_Fuck, Mara, you are so blind." Jerome yells as he squeezes me tightly._

"_Why do you care so much!" I yell._

_He pulls me closer to him, our bodies touching. He forcefully presses his lips against mine. The impulse makes me kiss him back. My arms cling to the back of his neck. He glides his tongue on my lips asking for an entrance. Feeling strangely foreign I let him. Our tongues danced as he pinned me to the bed. I can't move. I open my eyes. I'm kissing Jerome Clarke, the Jerome Clarke. The jerk that has a huge ego, which only cares about himself, the one who loves making people's lives miserable, and the one who makes people feel bad. I'm kissing that monster._

"_HOW COULD YOU!" I yell as I push him away from me. _

"_I-I-I…" he looks at me, his eyes brim with tears. He is at a loss of words. He doesn't know what to say._

"_Please, Jerome, please go away." I whisper._

"_But, I'm sorry." He says defeated. _

"_I know. I'm sorry too." I whisper and look down at my hands._

"_For what?" he says_

"_For everything." I reply._

"_Why, Mara?" he says as he grabs my face forcing me to look at him. I stare deeply into his sea blue eyes._

"_I ruined your life. I blamed you for everything. I made your life miserable." I say._

"_Mara, I forgive you." He says gently._

"_Why? Why do you forgive me?" I whisper, surprisingly tears formed in my eyes and I began to cry. My life is messed up._

"_Mara, I forgive you because I lo-" Mick rushed in interrupting Jerome._

"_Mara, I'm so glad your okay." He says as he picks me up and twirls me around. I manage to smile _

"_Yea…" I say, trying to sound happy. _

"_So, today we are having a date. Sounds fun, eh?" Mick says with a huge smile on his face._

"_Yay…fun…" I say with no excitement in my voice._

"_I know! I'm going to get ready, babe." Hey says as he jogs out of the room. I smile and then sigh. Mick didn't see my letter. He didn't know that I hated him. He didn't know that I never wanted to see him again. He didn't know anything._

"_I guess you're with Campbell." Jerome says quietly as he kicks the wall._

"_I guess. Ugh, why is this so complicated?" I yell frustrated, throwing my hands up in the air._

"_Because, Mara, you are the girl that everyone wants. You're the whole package, beautiful, smart, trustworthy, and amazing." Jerome says_

"_Thanks Jerome, you're a great, um-friend!" I say he only thinks of me as a friend. Friends will compliment each other, right? I guess we're just friends…_

"_Well, I'll see you later?" Jerome says._

"_Okay." I manage to say, chocking back the sobs that any minute would erupt through me. I watch him slowly walk out of the room. His perfect sea blue eyes filling with tears. He slams the door shut, and I hear his footsteps go down the stairs. I jump on my bed, sobbing silently into my pillow. I let everything, all my emotions, pour out of me. I stand up and wipe my tears. My knife in the floor under my bed. The impulse to use it becomes strong. But I won't let myself do this. At least not today._

_I take a deep breath and begin to meditate. I cross my legs Indian style, and breathe in and out. I might sound crazy to you but this is a way I can calm myself down. I let myself think good thoughts about myself. I'm a good person, right? No, no I'm not! I'm a horrible person. I treat Jerome like shit. I don't have feelings for Mick! I don't want to be friends with Amber, and she's trying to do everything to become friends with me. Nina is being so nice do me, but I don't give a damn. Patricia and Joy try to be closer to me, but I keep pushing them away. Fabian is trying to help me catch up with school work but I keep ignoring him. Alfie is trying to liven my day but all I do is tell his to shut up. What is wrong with me! Why have I turned into a monster?_

_I am a monster. A fucking monster._

_I weep into my pillow, feeling lonelier than ever. I have a date with Mick in a few minutes. I've decided I'm going to break up with him. Well, maybe. I don't know. It depends. I want to break up with him because I'm not sure if I love him. When we kiss there is no spark. I wish there was. It would be easier if there was! But I'm in love with someone else. Someone I would never have thought of loving. But he doesn't love me. Does he? I'm not sure. I've gotten mixed signals. I don't know if he likes me. Well I should stop thinking about him._

_I put on a short mini-dress, it is navy blue. I paint my nails navy blue, and put on a pair of navy blue pumps. I take a deep breath and smile into the mirror; I plaster a smile on my face and walk to Mick's room._

_I slowly open the door of Mick's room when a pair of hands roughly garb me and pull me into the room. The lights are off. The person crashes his lips against mine forcefully, and pins me to the bed. I struggle. He strips off my dress, and scratches my sides with sharp nails. He then pulls off my panty-hoses and I try to push away from him._

"_Fuck me!" a raspy voice yells the voice is Mick's._

_He sucks the skin of my neck and I try to pull away but he clamps his teeth on my neck, he's biting it with so much force that I feel blood trickling down my neck._

"_STOP! PLEASE, STOP!" I screech._

"_If you freaking stripped for Jerome, and you kissed him, than you should do more than that to your boyfriend! YOU LITTLE WHORE! FUCK ME!" he yells as his hands struggle to unclasp my bra. I scream, and push him away but he puts all his weight on me, I kick him where it counts. He yelps, and then slaps me across the face._

"_You have to fuck me. You have no choice. I own you, you little prostitute BITCH!" He yells, as he slaps me across the face and grinds me. I scream at the top of my lungs, hopefully someone heard me._

"_GET AWAY FROM HER!" An unmistakably familiar voice yells. It's Jerome._

"_WHY ARE YOU FUCKING HERE!" Mick roars as he pushes me off the bed._

"_MARA, YOU, YOU LITTLE SLUT! YOU TOLD HIM!" Mick booms, as he grabs my by the arm roughly and punches me in the face._

"_Don't HURT HER!" Jerome yells as he pries Mick away from me and gives him a barrage of blows to the head._

"_YOU LITTLE F-F-AGGOT!" Mick yells slurring in his words, grabbing his wounded jaw._

"_Never, do that to her!" Jerome screams._

"_What are you going to do if I do?" Mick slurs as he pushes Jerome and kicks him in the ribs. Jerome moans in pain._

"_STOP IT; YOU'RE GOING TO HURT HIM!" I screech as tears stream down my face. Mick looks at me and pushes me on the floor and kicks my sides. He grabs a vase and throws it at my head, blood streams down my head, and I feel a bit unconscious. The last thing I remember is screaming no as I watch Mick slam Jerome against the wall, and throw a glass bottle of beer at Jerome's head._

* * *

><p><strong>Joy POV<strong>

**I wake up. It is one am. I can't sleep. I walk to the kitchen area to get a drink, when I spot Mick in a corner crying.**

**He sobs into his hands. He is curled up in a ball shaking like a Chihuahua. Ha-ha I can't imagine Mick as a Chihuahua!**

**I walk towards him slowly biting my lip, scared to see what would happen. Once I am a few feet near him, I can smell strong tangy smell of liquor. Mick was drunk. And I think he did something stupid.**

"**Mick?" I whisper. He looks up at me and weakly smiles**

"**Joy," he says, his light blue eyes brimming with tears, he looks up at me pleadingly.**

"**Are you okay Mick?" I ask gently, sitting down next to him.**

"**No," he says as he bursts into tears, "I think I killed them." **

**Who did he kill? What do I say? What the hell am I supposed to do? **

"**Mick, tell me what happened." I say as I grab his hand reassuringly, he looks at our hands touching and blushes.**

"**Well, Alfie told me that Mara stripped for Jerome, and that they were making out, so I was pissed and got drunk. And mate, I really don't know what happened. Mara came and I think I tried to r-r-ape her, and then J-Jerome came, and then I-I-I-I hit her, and punched him, and then I-I threw something at them and blood, and now I'm here." Mick states glumly, tears forming in his eyes; he punches the wall and continues to sob into his hands. **

**What the hell am I supposed to say! I-I-I don't know what to say! I-I'm really confused! I know Mara is my friend, and Jerome, well he is Jerome. But I-I I just don't know what to say?**

"**It's going to be okay." I say quietly as I squeeze his hand. He looks up at me confusedly. I panic and remove my hand from his, and stand up and begin to walk away.**

"**NO! Please don't leave me Joy!" Mick yells as he begins to bawl, tears streaming down his face. He grabs my hand and pulls me towards his heaving chest. And he continues to cry. I hold his hand tightly.**

"**Don't worry, I'll always be here." I whisper as I lean against his chest, and let him cry.**

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_I open my eyes and find myself in a room, Mick's room. I look at my hands, they are stained with blood. What happened last night? Then I remembered. His cruel voice echoing in my head. _

"_You BITCH!"_

"_YOU FUCKING LITLE SLUT!"_

_I just couldn't get those words out of my head; they just kept repeating themselves, haunting me._

_Taking a deep breath I stand up, and look around. I'm in Mick's room, and it's a mess. I look at my hands again; pieces of glass are in them causing splinters and pain. Standing up, I begin to shake. The whole room is a mess. Glass everywhere. Books on the floor. But most importantly, a body on the floor. Still shaking I stand up steadily, and walk towards a body slumped in a corner of Mick's room._

"_Mick?" I whisper as I get closer. But it isn't Mick. Letting out a loud gasp, I realize who it is. Jerome Clarke. Tears flow down my cheeks as I run towards him._

"_Jerome?" I whisper, trying to take deep breaths. But a knot in my throat makes me know I'm going to cry even harder. _

"_Jerome, please wake up!" I yell as I shake his lifeless body._

_That's when I realized how much I loved him._

_I look into his emotionless cold light blue eyes._

_His perfect blonde hair glistening in the sun's rays. Blood, blood is on his perfect head, blood pouring down his face. Blood, the thing that scared me the most. Jerome was going to die. My Jerome was in pain. My lover is almost dead. _

_The pain I feel inside was unbearable. My heart is bleeding, bleeding because of Jerome, no, because of what Mick did to Jerome. Seeing him like this is horrible. I couldn't stand it. I'm used to seeing him all happy, arrogant, with his pranking ways, and always making fun of me, his huge ego, how he made me feel, how he is around me, how he understands me._

_I have to help him. Screaming at the top of my lungs, I call for help. Trudy comes faster than I can say "I am tired."_

"_Oh, sweeties, what happened?" Trudy cries out._

"_I don't know…" I whisper, as sobs erupt through me. And Trudy's motherly arms embrace me._

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

I wake up in a dumb stupid hospital. The horrible white walls, reminded me of my room back at home. A jail cell.

"Oh" the doctor says as he squints into a note-pad where he probably wrote my name "Jerome Clarke, you're awake. There is someone here to see you." He then walks out of the room. Who would want to see me? No one loves me, no one cares about me.

"Jerome" a shy girl voice whispers as the door opens, revealing none other than Mara Jaffray, in a long sleeve black shirt, and skinny jeans.

"Mara, what are you doing here?" I ask. She smiles at me weakly and walks to my side.

"I was worried. Did Mick do this to you?" she asks, but I don't respond. I'm too busy looking at the scar on her forehead, and the bruises on her face. Anger built up inside me. I'm going to beat the crap out of Mick Campbell! How could he have hurt her? Why? Who in their right mind would want to hurt a fragile, beautiful girl like her?

Confused by my silence, she moved closer and closer until she was practically sitting on my lap, my cheeks grew hot, and I felt really nervous all of a sudden. What a girl can do to you.

"Jerome, are you feeling better?" she says, her black locks of hair falling in her face making her look mysterious; it somehow looked very, very attractive.

"Y-Y-Yea…I-I-I'm f-f-feeling q-quite b-b-better." I stutter. I sound just like stutter Rutter when he talks to Nina.

"Are you sure?" she says quietly. Gaining my confidence I lift myself up in the cot and look down at her, she shrinks back and looks frightened, her eyes widening by the second.

"Why do you even care? You, have your own problems. Why do you care about other people? And why do you treat yourself like shit?" I spit at her, avoiding her gaze. But I could feel that I hurt her.

STUPID, I AM STUPID!

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

"_Why do you even care? You, have your own problems. Why do you care about other people? And why do you treat yourself like shit?"_

_Finally a straightforward question but let me tell you, that hurt me the most. It hurt as if someone stabbed me in the heart. But it was true._

_I try to look into his eyes but he tries not to meet my gaze. Not knowing what to do, I panic and run out of the room._

"_I HATE YOU" I screech at him before I walk out of the room._

_I regret saying that._

_I regret even getting together with Mick._

_I regret meeting Jerome._

_I regret coming to the Anubis house._

_I regret ever living._

_I regret my life._

_Running as fast as I can, I see a clearing in a forest. I sit down on the damp ground. _

_I grab my purse and open it, revealing a pocket knife and a piece of paper. Taking a deep breath I stab the knife into my arm. Blood is pouring. Crying I grab the piece of paper and use the knife to draw a heart, and a knife going through it, that is how I feel, as if someone stabbed me in the heart. That someone is me. Crying, I lie down on the ground and drift off into an endless slumber._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Amber POV<strong>_

_**I walk into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and guess what? Joy and Mick were just sleeping in each other's arm. A part of me was like "AW, HOW ADORABLE!" but the other half was "UGH MICK IS MINE!"**_

"_**Hello?" I whisper trying to wake them up.**_

_**No answer.**_

"_**Hello!" I say even louder.**_

_**Mick starts to snore.**_

"_**WAKE UP!" I yell. And then they both jump startled to see me hovering over them.**_

"_**Oh, Amber, you scared the crap out of me!" Joy yells.**_

"_**Have any of you seen Mara!" I yell, pretending that I didn't hear Joy's last remark. Mick turns pale. I think it's because he's been cheating on Mara. Or…maybe he doesn't know where Mara is and he's nervous or maybe he's just sick! Wait, what are we talking about? I'm confused. **_

"_**No, no, n-no I haven't seen her anywhere." Mick says nervously.**_

_**Something is up? Mick actually sounds scared, like he is hiding something, something bad, and something that has to do with Mara. But what? **_

_**Oh look its Alfie!**_

"_**ALFIE!" I yell as I run into him slamming his skinny little chicken like body on the floor. Smiling at him, I realize how much I like him.**_

_**Yea, he might be weird, not that good looking, and really bad at jokes. But somehow I really like him. I guess love is blind. I'm serious! Love is truly blind. Like Mara and Mick, because Mara was absolutely out of his league. And he was supposed to be with me.**_

"_**Gosh, Amber, you are over Mick" I repeat that over and over in my head, because the truth is I still haven't gotten over him. But I have to move on. I feel bad. I know I still have feelings for Mick, but I told Alfie that I liked him; I think I gave him the wrong idea. I meant I "like" him, not love him.**_

_**But right now I have mixed feelings. And it's Mick vs. Alfie.**_

_**Seeing Mick today with Joy, all happy. Made me realize I'll never be with him again. The wish that he will come back with me is like the horizon, you'll never reach it. **_

_**But it made me realize that Alfie and I were meant to be.**_

"_**Hey, Alfie, have you seen Mara or Jerome?" I ask while giving him a priceless Amber Millington smile.**_

"_**N-no I-I haven't. H-hey Amber d-d-d-o you f-fancy going on a-a d-d-date with me?" Alfie stutters. **_

"_**Of course!" I squeal and run off to look for Mara.**_

_***FIVE MINUTES LATER***_

_**Where's Mara?**_

_**Where's Jerome?**_

_**Where's Mara and Jerome?**_

_**Maybe they are on a secret date!**_

_**Awww! HOW ROMANTIC!**_

_**I have to make them a scrapbook! YAY!**_

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

Something felt wrong. My whole body overcomes with fear. It's a feeling I get when something bad is going to happen. I had this feeling when Alfie had to be sent to the hospital. And something is going to happen, but not to me. But to someone I love and care for deeply: Mara Jaffray.

NO! It can't be! No, no, NO!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

I run out of the hospital, disregarding the yells from the nurses and doctors telling me to go back to my room immediately. I focus on getting out of the hospital.

Quickly I run to the house, after an hour I finally reach the Anubis house. I walk in, everyone is in the kitchen. But there is no sign of Mara. I run up to the girl's dormitory being as quiet as I can so nobody hears me. I go to her room, she isn't there, I check Patricia and Joy's room, no sign of Mara, I walk into Nina and Amber's room not even a trace. Getting worried I run downstairs, maybe she's in Mick's and Fabian's room. Nope, NADA! Starting to panic, I run to my room, no, she isn't there. I run out of the house and a breeze hits my face.

Where is she!

I run outside, the only place I could concentrate is in the little place where I used to meet Rufus. I know it brings back horrible memories with Rufus, but near the meeting place there is a little clearing, near the place where I used to meet Rufus, and that place seems magical. The trees surrounding me, the blue sky, and the majestic sun shining, its rays greeting me with a warm embrace. An embrace my parents never gave me.

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_I slowly wake up, to the sound of birds chirping. Moving, I hear leaves crunching under me. It felt so nice, being in the nature. Being away from the world. Being peaceful, being HAPPY. Something I haven't experienced in a long time. _

_I see dried blood on my arm and sigh; I find water and a piece of paper and rinse the blood off my arm. I look up at the clear blue sky._

_Smiling to myself I sit down, and take out a note pad; I find my pencil and begin to draw. The crisp leaves, the tall trees, the cute birds, the picturesque background, all captured in the essence of my drawing. _

_After a while I finish the drawing. I look at it intensely. The edges were sharp and brusque, not something professional. There was no detail, no movement, and no life. It was lifeless, horrible, unappealing. _

_Let's just say I didn't like it. Not one bit._

_Getting angry I crumple the paper up into a ball and throw it angrily. _

"_Mara, is innocent Mara littering?"_

_I look up and see the blonde haired and blue eyed lanky boy. Jerome Clarke._

"_What is this?" he says as he opens the crumpled piece of paper._

"_Nothing" I say but it is too late he saw the drawing._

"_So Mara has an eye for fine arts." Jerome says slyly._

"_Why do you care?" I ask him with a hiss in my voice._

"_Because Mara, you… are amazing." He whispers into my ear. My cheeks grow hot as I feel his soft lips touching my skin. I realize that this wasn't right. And I move away._

"_Jerome, tell me why you are here." I demand._

"_No reason." He replies._

"_How did you know I was here?" I ask slyly._

"_I didn't." he answers coolly._

"_Then how did you know I was here?" I repeat with an annoyed tone. I sit down on a log and wait for his response._

"_I come here to think, to get away from everybody, to be calm and peaceful. It's really nice here. It's natural, calm, peaceful, and beautiful, something that I never ever came to understand.-"_

"_Why is that?" I say interrupting him._

"_Well back home when I was five I never lived in a comfy nice house. I lived in a cold eerie mansion. It was white. The floors made of marble. Doors made of fine wood painted white. The walls made of a granite texture and my room a white jail cell. Every day I would look out my window at the trees for hours, my mom would yell at me, saying I was useless. My dad would just shake his head. My parents hated me. All they cared about was my sister, Melissa. They thought I was a disgrace. After my parents yelled at me I ran to my room and locked the door. All I did was stare at the white walls and hear my parents scream and yell at each other. It caused me pain, because the reason for their discontent was me. If I weren't alive they would've been happy. But instead they we're stuck with me." Jerome pauses as an expression of sadness meets his face. He sighs and continues. "I wanted my life to be perfect. I wanted to live in a red brick mansion, with a fireplace and leather couches in the living room. I wanted my room to be blue, navy blue, like the water of the ocean. I wanted my bed to be made of oak. I wanted to have pictures of my family smiling. I wanted at least one picture frame of the four of us as a family smiling and happy. But that never happened. I was stuck in a white heartless prison, with no one to love me. My mom hated me, my father was disappointed in me, and my sister acted as if I never existed. I stared out the window wondering how life is like for other children, but that just brought more sadness to me. One day, my mom slapped me across the face for not cleaning my room. I ran out, I ran as fast as I could. I reached a small pond and stared at my reflection. A little boy, a frail little skinny boy with piercing blue eyes and dirty blonde hair over his face, a pink mark on his face, and a sad lonely expression. I sighed and pulled up my sleeves revealing bruises, burns and scratch marks, which were made by my parents. I cried there and fell asleep. I woke up to the chirping of birds. Oh, how nature fascinated me, I wanted to be a bird. I wanted to spread my wings and leave my nest. But the next day my parents decided to send me to boarding school, and I never got the chance to grow my wings, and I never got the chance to fly." He whispers the final sentence, as tears form in his eyes. I give him a sympathetic smile, and squeeze his hand, I find myself brushing the tears off his face. He blushes and smiles at me. He sits up and observes my drawing which remains in his hand._

"_I think it's beautiful, how you capture every single detail, how you make the shading natural, how you make everything perfect." He says in awe._

"_It's nothing." I say humbly._

"_I thought it was really bad." I whisper to him._

"_Isn't the artist herself the harshest critic? Take it from someone who understands art." He says._

_I nod apprehensively, "Wait, since when were you an artist?" I ask._

"_Since I was little, along with my many nature walks I did dabble in fine arts." He says proudly._

"_Oh really?" I say raising my eyebrow._

"_Yes, here let me show you." He says up for the challenge. He grabs the pencil and skillfully and majestically draws a dove soaring in the air with the eerie Appalachian Mountains in the back. The dove's features were magnificent, every little detail was captured on this drawing, and it's as if it was real, as if it was flying. The birds little beady eye staring at me, and an olive branch on its little orange beak._

"_Wow, it's simply stunning." I say in complete awe. He looks down at me and smiles humbly. _

_Silence_

_You could just feel the tension._

"_So…Isn't this time of day simply majestic?" Jerome asks, his smooth voice greeting my ear._

"_It's beautiful." I say as I stare into the sunset, and watch the sun disappear into the horizon. I lay my head on Jerome's chest, he smiles at me and squeezes my hand as we both look at the read ball of fire called the sun._

* * *

><p><strong>Soooo sorry for not updating! I REALLY HOPE YOU REVIEW! I LOVE YOU GUYS! I mean 22 reviews, 16 favorites, 12 alerts! It means so muchhh!<strong>


	3. The sleepover

**PAINFUL SECRETS **

**I don't own house of Anubis. Or Eddie. I am back from China! Yesterday first day from school, and today is my birthday! **

**You people who have a facebook, or are getting one need to help me make a JARA facebook group. LOL**

**PEOPLE YOU SHOULD READ sweetcupcake62's JARA story! I think its super amazing! I really hope you check it out!**

**And Blewwolf is hysterical. Yea I can't stand neutral too. You are awesome. You crack me up! But hopefully you'll still read this story!**

**Lady Cellist of Gallifrey you are awesome. I love your penname by the way.**

**Moonbeam87 yea I hate him too. I just- URGGHH! He is so frustrating. I hate him more than I hate Paxton. (I know you have no idea who Paxton is) Well he is a weird small African American egoistic arrogant a** whole pervert from my camp, or SEP, which is advanced summer school. GRR… What makes it worse is that I have to see him every day. But at least Jerry, Archid, Lila, Carmen, Sid, Caroline, June, Emmy, Angelica, Chris, Maha, Kavita, Ravisa, and Ali are there.**

**LittleGlitterMonster yes, I PMed you now do you know what I'm talking about? XD LOL Fabian and Nina, those dirty people!**

**FinaxJara98 is amazing. I bet that I will Facebook chat you every day. It's my other addiction. I'm glad you liked the story!**

**2CrzY4U: Yea it does rhyme. That makes it so true! I'm glad you liked it! At first I'm like she didn't comment, and then after a few days, I'm like oh wow she did comment!**

**HeatherCullen111: aw! Thanks it means a lot.**

**Thanks for the review SullyClarke I'm really glad you liked the story.**

**Aw, nabian8735 you rock! At first I'm all like, she didn't comment, after a few days I realize you did. Wow, stupid me!**

**JuliLuvsEliGold: I think they should. It would be totally dramatic!**

**Charn14: I know! I love Tangled! LOL**

**Aleprbla: thanks, have fun on vacation. Yes, we are crazy! And I enjoy being crazy!**

**Sweetcupcake62: LOL, I have an English teacher in my advanced placement summer school that looks like a rapist. **

**Secret: I know I hate them too. And I hate Mick!**

**Jenc0449: Jen, right now we all hate Mick, ha-ha how I love making his life miserable! And I love your profile picture on facebook, tres cute.**

**Clairerox12: Yea…he is…I hate him. And Alfie can't keep secrets.**

**Star46783: Aw thanks. You're stories are awesome. I hope your "evil twin" isn't giving you any trouble.**

**XXxMyLittlePonyxXx: LOL, yea, Mara's a bit OOC. But she will always be Mara.**

**XxEmmieMellarkxx: You're welcome! So, you still don't have a facebook. SIGH!**

**I realized I made it known that I'm a huge JARA fan.**

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

"_So, where were you!" _

_It is the first thing I heard as I walked into my room. Busted!_

_Inside were all the girls: Amber, Patricia, Nina, Joy._

_And Amber was jumping up and down, about to trample me._

"_SO WERE YOUON A DATE WITH JEROME! You have to tell me all about it, I planned a sleep over!" Amber yells practically making me deaf._

_Busted again! But hey, I wasn't going to say I was in the woods with Jerome._

"_No," I say avoiding her gaze._

"_OMG, YOU WERE! AHHH! I'm going to make a scrapbook." She squeals._

"_I wasn't. I swear!" I say._

"_Sure. That's what they all say!" Amber says as she shakes her head._

_Gosh this is going to be a long night. _

_I can't wait till it's over._

_Help me!_

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

*click* I slowly closed the door behind me hoping nobody could hear me.

"Where were you, bro?"

Busted!

"You almost got in trouble by Victor!"

Busted x2

"So, you're Jerome!"

Busted x3

"Uh, I was nowhere." I say as I enter my room.

"Hi, I'm Eddie." A weird tall boy with blonde haired boy, with a black shirt, and black skinny jeans says.

"What's with the freak show?" I say to him, while observing his punk-Goth outfit and his soulless Gothic features. He glares at me and rolls his eyes.

"Jerome, next time be more careful. Victor came up because he got caught in one of your lame pranks where you somehow dyed his beard pink. And he was coming up to yell at you, and he didn't see you. So he was asking for you and we said you were in the bathroom." Fabian says, in a nagging tone.

Rolling my eyes I lay on my bed.

"Why are you here anyways?" I ask.

"Well, I'm here because the girls convinced Victor to have a sleep over, and I have no choice than to also have a sleep over, it was Amber's idea." Fabian says as he shakes his head disappointedly.

"I live here, with the aliens." Alfie says as he looks up at the ceiling in one of his weird alien trances.

Rolling my eyes,

My target to utterly humiliate: Eddie.

Why?

It's because I need to get all the sensitive stuff out of my system.

Why?

Jerome Clarke isn't a sensitive person.

"Why are you here, newbie?" I ask slyly.

"Um, I guess because I transferred here and came to this house because there is an empty room." He says.

"All the rooms are taken." I say.

"No" he squints at the paper in his hand "It says here that there is a free bunk in Fabian Rutter's room."

"What! I thought I bunked with Mick!" Fabian says.

I turned pale.

Mick

Mick Campbell

He hurt Mara.

My instincts made me jump as I heard his name.

Mick

At least he's gone.

At least he won't hurt Mara.

"Victor said Mick Campbell was expelled or something." Eddie says.

"What did he do?" Alfie says as he breaks from his alien trance.

Eddie shrugs.

"It's probably nothing; he probably failed too many times." I say.

But of course I know that's not true. He got expelled because he tried to rape Mara, and he tried to kill us.

He is a killer.

He is evil.

"No, you can't get expelled for that." Fabian pointed out.

"Why are we talking about Campbell?" I say as I muffle out a groan of displeasure.

"Because he's our friend" Fabian yells.

Lie.

I never liked him.

He was a jock.

Jocks are overrated.

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

"_And then he was like, would you fancy going out with me, and I was like totally! Aw isn't he the best! I think he is! Except for the fact that he is obsessed with aliens. What's up with that!"_

_Yes, Amber was killing us._

_I know she's my friend and all. But that girl can't shut up!_

"_Did I tell you that he's taking me to a fancy restaurant!" Amber says._

"_Like 50 times!" Patricia groans._

_Sighing, I turn to my book. Being with Amber was a pain! She's my friend, but gosh she can be annoying._

"_Did you know there is a new kid?" Amber yells._

"_What new kid!" Nina asks._

"_Oh, ANOTHER NEW KID, isn't one bad enough!" Patricia complains._

"_His name is Eddie, he's American. He is replacing Mick…"_

_Mick_

_He hurt me._

_He scared me for life._

_A scar that would never heal_

"_He's HOT! With H! Well he's a male version of Patricia, so that's a downside…" Amber says with a look of defeat on her face._

"_EXCUSE ME!" Patricia yells._

"_Now back to you Mara…how was your date with Jerome!" Amber says as she eyes me._

"_I didn't go on a date with him!"I scream_

_I stand up and walk towards the door._

"_Where are you going?" Nina says suspiciously._

"_She's going to see Jerome" Amber says happily._

_I roll my eyes and slam the door behind me. _

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

I didn't feel that good. But I think it was the fact that the mention of Mick sent chills down my spine.

"I'll be back bro!" I yell to Alfie as I slam the door behind me.

I tiptoe, trying to make no sudden movements whatsoever. Because if I got caught, Victor would kill me.

I make my way to the kitchen.

Yes

I didn't get caught.

And there are freshly baked cookies.

Mhmm, cookies.

It has been my obsession.

It's one of those cheesy love things.

*flashback*

"What you got there?" a 10 year old Jerome says as he approaches the shy brunette.

"Cookies, my mom gave them to me. It's really good. You want one!" a cheerful yet shy 10 year old Mara, in a little yellow sundress replies.

"Cookies? You know I've never had them!" little Jerome says shyly.

A tiny gasp escapes from little Mara's lips.

"You've never had cookies! How come!" She says as she motions him to sit beside her.

He takes a seat and thinks.

He doesn't want to tell her that his parents never gave him anything.

That they didn't love him.

That they left him here to rot.

"Umm… my parents were always freaking out about eating healthy stuff!" Jerome responds.

"Same here! My mom and dad always want me to be healthy, every Sunday we jogged around the park, twenty times, and then we would have to jump rope, and ride our bikes, then at noon we would go hiking for hours. Finally we would go home and eat these low-fat chocolate chip cookies!" Mara said excitedly as she hands Jerome a cookie.

He took it gently and stared at it. Hesitantly he put it in his mouth and bit in. His expression turned from frightened to delight. It was the best thing he had ever tasted. A huge grin appeared on his face, which made Mara giggle and a faint blush appeared on both of their cheeks

*end Flashback*

"Well what are you doing here Mr. Clarke!" A female voice yells, as a flashlight shines on him.

Busted

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

"_I can explain!" Jerome yells while stuffing cookies in his pockets._

"_Relax it's just me" I say, giggling._

"_Don't scare me like that" he says as he pushes me playfully._

_We smile at each other._

"_Why are you here this late Ms. Jaffray!" he asks with a smirk on his face._

_I roll my eyes and say "I would ask the same!"_

_I turn to the fridge and get out a bottle of water._

_I turn to leave as Jerome grabs my shoulder._

"_Leaving so soon!" he asks._

"_I guess!" I say._

"_I'll walk you!" he says as he catches up to me._

"_Um, no thank you, ever since we went to the woods she thinks we went on some romantic date, she's driving me insane." I say._

"_It was nothing…I guess." He says quietly._

"_Yea, it was nothing." I murmur._

"_C'mon Jaffray, lets pull a prank on Victor!" Jerome insists._

"_Didn't you already die his beard pink!" I ask._

_He nods, and opens a cabinet, revealing a stash of pranking supplies._

"_Fine" I say._

"_What's the plan?" I ask._

_He smiles and opens a piece of paper which involves some crazy diabolical scheme. _

"_And so it will trigger all the honey to land on Victor's head, and then he would step on the X and the feathers would fall! Then the camera will catch it all on tape!" Jerome yells in triumph._

"_Don't you think that's mean!" I whisper._

"_Relax Jaffray!" he responds as he smiles._

_I look at him and he gives me a reassuring smile and we get started._

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

"How are we going to get to his door without getting caught!" Mara asks.

Luckily I have an answer for everything!

"You'll see!" I open my phone and dial a number.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.

We tiptoed up the stairs,

"Oh, who can it be at this hour?" Victor grumbles as he opens the door and runs down the stairs and walks out the front door.

I scurry down and lock the door.

"WHO LOCKED THE DOOR!" Victor yells as he bangs on the door.

Ah, Victor.

He's so gullible.

"Ready" I whisper as I turn my head towards Mara.

For the first time today I look at her intensely.

She looked beautiful.

Her tan skin glowing in the dim light

The locks of her dark brown hair so smooth and silky forming perfect curls like waves in the ocean.

The way the lilac short night dress fit on her, hugging her hips perfectly.

She looked like an angel.

I found it hot how she grabbed the bucket of honey and the smirk on her face was glorious.

Anyways, let the pranking commence!

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_Everything was perfect; it was ready for Victor to be humiliated._

_I opened the door to let Victor in._

"_Victor, who could've locked you out? I heard screaming so I came to open the door!" I yell._

_He passes by me and walks into his office._

_Splat_

"_FUCK!" _

_I started giggling at Victor's response to the honey._

_He walked out cursing under his breath._

_Oops did he accidentally step on the X that triggered the feathers!_

"_BLOODY HELL, CLARKE!" _

_Jerome chuckled, but when he heard his name, he grabbed my arm and pulled me into Amber and Nina's empty room._

"_That was amazing!" I say, surprising Jerome, and myself._

_He laughs and looks deep into my eyes._

_Suddenly I feel hot, the room getting smaller, my palms sweating._

_I avoid his gaze. And look at my hands, realizing that Jerome was still holding my hand. Blushing I let go and run off back to the sleep over._

_I turn and yell to Jerome "I had fun, bye!"_

_He sits there smiling to himself._

_Boys, who knows what goes on in their mind!_

* * *

><p><strong>Amber POV<strong>

**It was official Mara was on another secret date with Jerome! **

**And I, AMBER MILLINGTON AM GOING TO TELL EVERYONE!**

**But first I need proof!**

"**I'm back." Mara says as she quietly closes the door!**

"**I'm bored" Joy states as she finishes painting Patricia's nails black.**

**WWBVD!**

**I got it!**

**We are going to visit the BOYS!**

"**I know what to do! We are going to get the boys to come here!" I triumphantly yell.**

"**ARE YOU INSANE? We're going to get caught!" Patricia yells, Joy nods her head apprehensively.**

"**Fine, then we'll go right, Nina and Mara!" I yell.**

"**NO!" Nina yells, but I grab her and Mara and I drag them out the door.**

**This day will be memorable.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Joy POV<strong>_

_**Smiling is amazing. Along with happiness, rainbows, unicorns and butterflies. It was a beautiful day. Wonderful, majestic, MAGICAL!**_

_**The way he made me feel was breathtaking.**_

_***ping***_

_**It's him!**_

_TheNumber1Jock: Hey, how R U! Xoxo_

_**Butterflies, It's what I feel when he talks to me.**_

_JoyOhJoy4: I'm fine. How about U! R u safe! I really miss u! ;)_

_***ping***_

_TheNumber1Jock: I'm fine. The cop sent me to the juvenile delinquency center. It's okay, but I feel empty without u! I love u, Joy!_

_**He loves me he really does.**_

_**I let out a squeal.**_

_**I just love everything about him!**_

_JoyOhJoy4: I love u too, baby! _

"_**Joy, what are you doing, you look like a love struck idiot, no offense!" **_

_**Back to reality**_

_**That was Patricia!**_

_**Oh, shit!**_

"_**What are you all happy about!" She says, as she lunges for my phone.**_

"_**No!" I grab it.**_

"_**Give it to me!" **_

_**She rams me against the wall.**_

_**Oww!**_

"_**AHA! I HAVE IT!" she yells.**_

"_**NO YOU DON'T!" I yell as I grab her in a headlock.**_

"_**GIVE IT!" She yells as she elbows my ribs, making me drop the phone.**_

_**She sits on top of me while unlocking my phone.**_

"_**Stop it Patricia! AHA you don't know the password!" I say triumphantly.**_

_**As triumphant as a person who is suffocating under her friend, who is sitting on her can get.**_

"_**It's Fabian!" She types it in. Access denied. **_

"_**Hmm, uh, NOTTHECHOSENONE!" she types it in.**_

_**Damn, I'm so predictable.**_

"_**MICK! Are you serious! Mick!" She yells.**_

"_**We're HERE!" Amber yells triumphantly.**_

"_**Umm, remind me never to mess with the red-head" a strange blonde haired boy says as he walks in.**_

_**I look at him, then at Patricia who was obviously blushing scarlet red, a smile hiding behind her mass of red hair.**_

_**And she says I'm the weird one for liking Mick.**_

_**Mick Campbell, he had his flaws, but in my eyes he was perfect.**_

"_**Hmm, Patricia, are you blushing! Do you like him!" I whisper loud enough for everyone to hear.**_

_**Patricia's face turned to a boiling red, it was her angry face.**_

"_**At least I'm not the one head over heels in love WITH THE MEATHEAD MICK!" Patricia yells as she gets off of me and runs out of the room.**_

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_Mick_

_No._

_It can't be._

_Joy just made the biggest mistake of her life._

_Jerome turned pale after Patricia uttered that Joy was with Mick. I run to follow Patricia, but of course dragging Joy along, Jerome quickly following behind._

"_Joy, why!" I yell at her as we sit on Nina's bed._

"_Is there a problem of me being with Mick!" she yells back._

"_He isn't what you think he is!" Jerome yelled._

"_Who do you think you are! Bossing me around and telling me what to do who to date!" She yells the anger boiling up inside her._

"_He isn't a good person!" I say._

"_NO! I KNOW WHAT HE DID TO BOTH OF YOU WAS WRONG! But he is a nice person inside, and I love him!" Joy says._

"_But we're trying to help you! We don't want to risk you getting hurt!" I state._

"_STOP BEING SO OVERPROTECTIVE! I'M SICK OF IT! BOSSING ME AROUND! JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME BE! YOU JUST WANT HIM FOR YOURSELF, YOU DON'T WANT HIM TO HAVE FUN, AND YOU WANT TO RUIN HIS LIFE! BUT I WONT LET YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM! YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH; YOU DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF LOVE. I BET YOU NEVER ACTUALLY LOVED SOMEONE!" she screams as she runs out of the room back up into my room._

_Tears_

_They are coming back_

_Like a river._

_A never ending river of sadness and pain_

_She knows my secret, but she doesn't give a damn, I don't care, at least I try not to care, but it's hard because she's my friend._

_My swollen eyes are the least bit of pain in my body mind heart and soul._

_My whole life tumbling down_

_Maybe she was right._

_Maybe it was my entire fault._

_It probably was._

_Because I am a horrible person, a monster_

"_Mara," Jerome says reaching for me._

"_No" I whisper._

_Running into the bathroom I get out the pocket knife._

_I swore not to use it again._

_But I never keep my promises._

_And besides it would always be my secret._

_My painful secret_

_Taking a deep breath I plunge the knife deeper into my skin, it feels numb._

_Jerome's cries for me to open the door fade away into nothingness as I concentrate on inflicting pain._

_Why must I live?_

_Am I really worth it?_

_Do I deserve to live?_

_The questions ramble about in my head, making it harder for me to want to live._

_Twisting the knife deeper I yelp in pain._

_Jerome, hearing me, bangs on the door._

_I hear him cry._

_Sobbing,_

_His tears bringing me back to reality._

"_Mara, please don't do this to yourself, if you hurt yourself it's like digging the knife in my heart deeper."_

_Silence_

"_Please stop, for me."_

_Dizziness fills my body_

_Maybe because the lack of blood maybe because of everything in my life_

_Should I stop?_

_Should I stop for the one I love?_

_But I can't!_

_The impulses, they overcome everything._

_But I will try._

_Because I love Jerome Clarke_

_And I will try._

_Slightly and slowly I reach to open the door._

_Taking a deep breath I face him._

_His face filled with fear, passion and sorrow._

_I run into his arms. Letting him embrace him, letting him take every bit of me away. _

_His protective arms around me, filling me with warmth and love._

_Love for him._

_It was an amazing feeling, that he loved me. That he really loved me!_

_He kisses my forehead, I sigh, and look into his cerulean blue orbs he calls eyes._

"_Mara what are we going to do with you?" he whispers as he smiles into my hair._

"_I promise, I promise I will try to stop. I'll stop, for us, I mean you-I mean me…I promise." I whisper._

"_I-I-I love you, Mara Jaffray." He stutters. He had told me that many times but this time it sounded real, as if he does really love me._

"_I love you to Jerome Clarke." I whisper as I take his hand and walk back to the room._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Amber's POV<strong>_

_**Aha! **_

_**I knew it.**_

_**Squealing I watch Mara and Jerome awkwardly walk in the room holding hands. I knew it! YAY! **_

_**It was so obvious that they were together.**_

_**Now we just have to make them official?**_

_**Maybe a first date?**_

_**WWVBD?**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ok soo sorry for not updating, Thanks to all who reviewed, I love you! Please review, EEP i got a blackberry and its my birthday i cant promise i'll update everyweek but i'll try to update sooner. :)<strong>_

_**~izzi**_


	4. Authors note

Hey guys its izzi, pretty much all my stories are going to be on hiatus. I'm sorry. I'll probably start writing again in a month or two. It's a really busy time for an eighth grader, hope you understand.

~izzi


	5. remorse and Temptation

**PAINFUL SECRETS 4**

**OMG, 4 chapter already, wow. I DON'T OWN HOA!**

**LMFAO!**

**I heard Jara kissed but I didn't see the episode so I'm quite mad. ):**

**LOL JK I did see the episode it was so cute. I'm really excited about the Alfie and Piper thing also I do like AMFIE, this season is EPIC.**

**And I heard amber has a crush on Jerome which is absurd and yea I hope it's just rumors because Jara needs to happen forever and ever**

**3/20/12 I saw the finale! It was AMAZINGGG! JARA KISS…IT WAS EPIC!**

**I'm so happy! So this story isn't exactly like season two…okay? :)**

**Remorse and Temptation**

* * *

><p><strong>No POV<strong>

_She sat there, quietly thinking to herself about what happened last week at the sleepover._

_It happened so fast, maybe too quickly._

_A week had passed and Mara and Jerome had become official, their relationship had begun, and was nice and happy, like a fairy tale._

_But Mara new better, Life was never a fairy tale._

_It seemed so perfect, yet nothing was ever perfect,_

_It seemed as if it was amazing, wonderful, extraordinary, but Mara knew that this wasn't right._

_She felt as if she was controlling Jerome._

_As if she was a controlling manipulative freak._

_But whenever she was with him, the feeling would go away._

_She loved him._

_She still does._

_She wouldn't trade him for the world, she would die for him._

_She knew he would do the same._

_But something wasn't right._

_There was just this feeling._

_As if she wasn't good enough for him._

_As if she was just taking advantage of him._

_She knew she wasn't, but these feelings just manipulated her brain, making the thoughts of the "temptation" get back in her head._

_She began thinking about it again._

_That she was a horrible person_

_That she didn't deserve to live._

_That she was the reason of his misery._

_That she just made everything worse._

_She sighed and entered the bathroom, studying herself in the mirror._

_Why would he like somebody like her?_

_To her she was ugly._

_To her she looked nerdy._

_To her she just wasn't worth it._

_All these thoughts made Mara feel miserable, but she couldn't stop. The negative energy just kept flowing in. All those thoughts made her feel like trash._

_She tried to think more positive._

_She tried leaving post-its wherever she went._

_She tried talking it out with Jerome, for he was the only one who knew._

_But at some points when she was alone the temptation just came back. All the negative thoughts, energy and action, which hurt her physically and mentally, came back._

_She felt herself crumble down, like an old wall about to be torn down due to decaying._

_She no longer felt the lust of Mara Jaffray, which she had rarely felt nowadays._

_Her self-esteem had crumbled into nothingness. There would be times where she would cry herself to sleep._

_She would do this in secret._

_She didn't want Jerome to find out, and worry about her._

_What has he ever done to deserve this?_

_He deserved better than her._

_She believed that she herself was a burden on his shoulders. He was Hercules carrying the world and she was just a big boulder making it heavier for him._

_She didn't want to be the boulder._

_And he believed that she wasn't._

_But she knew she was._

_The bitter thought that she was ruining his life, frustrated her._

_She never wanted to hurt him, but she knows she did._

_All the thoughts made the relationship bitter. At least in Mara's point of view._

_Jerome thought differently._

_He found the relationship, perfect. Even though he believed nothing was perfect. He found it nourishing, a way to bring out his inner self._

_The thought that he was Mara Jaffrey's boyfriend made him smile._

_It helped him become a new Jerome._

_She was a good influence for him, she still is._

_Spending time with her was heaven for him, her face brightened his day._

_He loves being with her, and seeing her._

_She is the reason he lives._

_Without her he is nothing._

_He lives to love her, lives to be with her._

_He doesn't know of any life without her._

_He wants her to feel amazing, he wants her to love him, and she does but her love for him just brings more pain to her._

_Mara Jaffrey is a confused girl._

_She can't tell the difference, she loves him, but it pains her to love him._

_She knows he loves her but her insecurity makes her think he doesn't._

_It just tears her apart the mere thought that she isn't good enough for him, that she is hurting him._

_She repeats it all in her head, making the thoughts worse._

_A tear slips down her fragile pale face._

_Her chocolate eyes well up, looking shinier than ever, glimmering like stars on a dark summer night._

_She shed tears until there were none left._

_Sighing she took one last look into the mirror._

_Then she swiveled around, she didn't want to look at herself for she didn't like how she looked. She came face to face with it._

_The bloody pocket knife_

_Its crisp silver edge gleaming as a ray of sun shined on it making it only more attracting than ever._

_Mara's eyes were glued onto the knife, she inspected every edge, every sparkle, every angle, yet she found no flaws._

_It was perfect._

_She took it without thinking and quickly made a slit on her wrist, a tiny droplet of blood appeared; quickly she ran to the sink and rinsed it off._

_All that was left was a small scar; the temptation was back, and all because of remorse._

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_It seemed as if an eternity had passed since we broke up._

_He has moved on and is now dating, her._

_By her I mean the most notorious bitchy girl this school has ever met, Britney._

_She's that perfect brit._

_Golden straight hair that cascaded perfectly down her shoulders, without one frizz, or one split end._

_Light blue grey eyes, which partially signify her darkness, and evil._

_The blue in her eyes shows her nice, cheerfully, peppy cheerleader side._

_The grey shows the envy, jealousy, anger, and hatred that are dying to expose themselves._

_She's the cheerleader._

_Miss Popular._

_The one Amber Millington praises, and envies._

_The one all the boys swoon over._

_But aside from all her niceness, popularity, she has that egoistic, evil, envious, side._

_I know that side._

_She has harmed me mentally._

_At one point I was bulimic… Because of her._

_Her evil ways have affected me; they have made me fragile like glass or paper._

_She crumbled my walls in to nothingness, destroying every bit of hope happiness that I had. _

_And that was a lot, especially since the reason I lived was for the tiny bit of happiness and hope that I held on for dear life._

_She ruined all my years at this boarding school and somehow she never gets tired of it, and she keeps hurting me._

_A tear rolls down my face as I squeeze my eyes shut to impede more tears from spilling._

_All I see is black._

_Black has become a peaceful color for me, serene and empty._

"_Watch it nerd, gosh stop dreaming this is reality. Reality is when you're a damn piece of shit, and I'm important. So stay out of my way!" Britney pushes past me._

_Realizing that it was her I run, run to the girl's bathroom like I always do. _

_Out of the corner of my eye I see him, he's about to follow me, but then he turns around, a tear streaming down his perfect face, he kicks the ground and follows her, like a puppy._

_God and I thought I was the manipulative freak._

_It's been like this for days, I can't stand seeing him like this. _

_Every time I see him with her, I break down._

_I come to the conclusion that I am fat._

_A fat ugly bitch_

_That's why he now is with her._

_It's my fault, I guess Britney is right "It's what on the outside that counts" and apparently I'm worth nothing._

_I guess people call it insecurity I call it "who I am"._

_After a long day of monotonous school work I finally get to the Anubis house._

_Relieved I quickly do my homework and go to the bathroom._

_Inspecting myself for the fiftieth time in the mirror, I frown._

_I'm ugly and fat._

_It's so unfair._

_I sigh and walk out of the bathroom displeased with myself._

_Bumping into Patricia she gives me a sympathetic smile. She grabs me by the arm and we begin a conversation. It is pretty awkward because we have lost contact ever since Joy came. I have nothing against that. I really don't care if Patricia is ignoring me. Slowly realizing I was deep in to thought not really paying attention to Patricia I just nod so she thinks I'm talking to her._

"_So do you think he likes me?"_

"_Mara…Mara…MARA!" Patricia yells as I slowly jump out of my train of thoughts. _

"_Am I fat?" _

_It was the first thing to come out of my mouth._

_Patricia began to laugh, she fell on the floor laughing hard. Looking at her in disgust I leave and once again run into the bathroom._

_Breathing heavily, I feel as if I can't breathe._

_The walls seem as if they are closing in, capturing me, taking me into darkness, I want to scream but no words come out of my mouth, my throat feels like the Sahara desert, the white walls unfriendly and heartless, I shiver as I gasp for air. Slowly I run to the toilet. Staring at its circular shape I begin to feel nauseous. Sticking one finger down my throat makes the feeling go away. I vomit into the toiled and flush._

_I wish it was always this easy._

_But nothing is this easy._

_Trembling I reach the sink and rinse my mouth; I grab the toothpaste and slowly brush my mouth._

_Satisfied I walk out and go to bed._

_I have now found the easy solution to not being fat._

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<p>

As I walk out of Mr. Winkler class, I stumble into her. Her beautiful chocolate brown eyes lock with mine, and then she tenses up and runs away.

I sigh and slam some 7th grader's locker, and walk away.

Britney meets me and starts talking to me about something.

I really don't know what.

All I see is her mouth moving, and every now and then she would flip her hair.

She notices that I'm not paying attention and she slaps me.

"Jerome Clarke, listen to me, you listen to me or I'll break up with you." She hisses.

I bow my head and walk away.

I hate listening to her but what else should I do?

I guess it's a punishment for me because I broke her heart.

I really don't know why or how I broke Mara's heart, but somehow I did, I guess I must suffer the consequences.

It all passed so fast.

We were happy, it was all perfect, as perfect as perfect can be.

The next day we broke up.

It was so sudden, my heart shattered.

The nice person that I was inside was long gone, and the egoistic dark heart of stone was also gone.

I had nothing, correction, I have nothing.

I'm a body filled with emptiness, no emotions, no nothing.

Kill me now because right now I have no reason to live.

I'm just an empty body with a lost soul.

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_Satisfied_

_I'm absolutely satisfied._

_97 pounds, I lost ten freaking pounds._

_Yes, it's my all natural diet, or at least that's what I tell everyone, and by everyone I mean Amber._

_I knew it wasn't good, what I was doing._

_It's not that I'm bulimic or something…well kind of…well yea._

_No, I'm not bulimic._

_I'm fine._

_There is nothing wrong with me… but there is._

_NO!_

_I stand in the bathroom, and repeat to myself_

"_Mara Jaffrey, is not bulimic, there is nothing wrong with her."_

_But she knew she was lying to herself, she knew what she was doing wasn't right, but she pushed those thoughts deeper into her brain, and so she would try to forget about it._

_Why is it that when I'm in thought I refer to myself as third person? Simple answer I don't want to be me._

_Walking out of my room, I spotted Amber._

_Amber Millington, standing there, with someone._

_Speak of the devil._

"_OH MY GOD MARA! I'M SO HAPPY! WE HAVE STUDENT SWAP DAY, BRITNEY'S COMING AND JOY LEFT!"_

_My eyes paralyzed with fear, my body went numb._

_The platinum blonde gave me her evil smirk, her blue eyes gone, and her grey eyes dancing with a fiery passion like an eagle eyeing its prey._

_I stretch out my hand, its quivering, but I see her take notice._

_She walks towards me and smiles; as she gets closer she scowls at me._

"_Hey, Loser, I'm guess you're stuck with me, but get out of my way and I won't hurt you! Wait! I still will, you're a loser and if I'm seen with you the I'll be a loser, and that will make me happy, you won't like me when I'm angry. So stay out of my way and get your bitchy ass right out of my face! Capiche, good!" She turns around. A gust of wind followed by the lashing of her hair that hits me, a single tear drop rolls down my face, out of the corner of my eye I see him again, inspecting everything. The look of pain on his face, as he puts all of it together, he senses how she hurts me, but he does nothing._

* * *

><p>Jerome POV<br>I watch them.

I watch that bitch, torment the one I love.

She seems so nice, but she's so evil, she's bittersweet, a fake sweetness, and true bitterness.

It hurt me seeing Mara like this. Every day I tell myself that the part of me that loved her is gone.

But I can't keep hiding it; I'm head over heels in love with Mara Jaffrey.

It hurt me that she broke up with me. But I could never be mad at her, her chocolate eyes, the hurt in her eyes. All of that made me feel as if I was hurting her. That is probably what happened. I am evil; there is no doubt about it. And that is killing me.

What could I have done to still be with her? The remorse of hurting her mentally has come back.

* * *

><p><em>Mara POV<em>

_My eyes play tricks on me as I stumble into my room. Everywhere I see her face._

_Taunting me, tearing down all my pride._

_I shut my eyes but it gets worse her sing song voice takes over my ears._

_And then I become a troubled mess._

_Every day the one hallucination becomes another, and another and another._

_The accumulation of these forms of torment impedes me from thinking straight._

_Every day the door that leads me to the light and hope becomes fainter._

_Today I met Jerome's sister Poppy, I never really paid attention to her. There is a strong family resemblance between the two. You could see it, the stunning dirty blonde hair and the crystallized blue eyes. _

_I got to say it wasn't there looks that amazed me it was their charisma and character, arrogant yet humble, charming yet annoying, they were so how can I put this…similar._

_I sat there on the cold granite floor of the empty white bathroom. Mick had finally gone to a school in Australia that would help his conduct and the house had gotten word that he had a new girlfriend…and Joy even though she still loved him she also loved Fabian. Although I was still depressed a lot had changed. For one, Trudy was helping Jasper, Fabian's godfather, with an Egyptian exhibit. And the new housemother Vera arrived a few days ago. There was something wrong with her, it wasn't just the fact that she had a stuffed beagle, or the fact that she and Victor have a "thing" for each other, but all the "great" achievements of hers sound phony, fake, and aren't supported by facts._

_The temptation had been there for a long time. Now the bulimia factor had risen from the back of my brain, to the front. But I wanted it to stop, I need it to stop. I try to entertain myself, writing helps, drawing helps. Music helps but it isn't enough. Two days ago Ms. Andrews gave me an important assignment…to find out what is wrong about Vera. I personally am psyched. I feel that it is my honor to write about the TRUTH. But the downside is that the piece I have to write on Vera is highly qualified, I can't speak about it to anyone._

_Why can't I expose the truth about Vera?_

_Why doesn't anyone understand that the truth needs to be told? I've been fed up with all these lies._

_Chocolate Midnight Cake, Vera's special recipe, my mom bought that for me on my third birthday. _

_All the references for Vera's placement as the housekeeper don't add up. The people she worked for…are dead. The pictures of the kitchen where she worked don't show her in it._

_And isn't it strange that only Vera applied for the job?_

_One way or another EVERYONE will know the dirty little secrets that Vera keeps to herself._

* * *

><p><strong><em>hey guys please review, it sounds selfish but i want to reach 100 reviews. (:<em>**


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